I was recently interviewed by Margaret Steen for the Family Business Magazine about prenups. This is a topic I’ve written and talked about for years — you can see an early post about this here and download a short white paper about it here. My general take is simple:
- Every family that urges their members to have a prenup already has a “family prenup process” — they just haven’t necessarily thought about that process very much or been particularly intentional about it.
- As a result, the process of creating a prenup is often somewhat inhumane for the participants. Their mom or dad urges them to get a prenup; they’re told to “use this lawyer”; they don’t really have much experience managing lawyers and as a result feel intimidated; they get told all sorts of new information about their family’s assets, much of which they don’t understand or feel a bit overwhelmed by; and through the process their relationship with their fiancee feels strained or even damaged.
- This is a real shame, and imposes real costs on the couple and the broader family. Families should do everything they can to integrate new spouses in a healthy, friendly, loving way. This is partly just common decency. It is also pragmatically important–a family is wasting the human capital, talent, and energy that new spouses can bring if the family “turns off” those spouses as they formally enter the family.
- Instead, families can and should intentionally design a prenup process that works for all. The standard should be does the prenup process strengthen, rather than degrade, the couple’s relationship? With this as the goal, families should incorporate prenup coaches, mediators, facilitators, therapists, and others who can help to make the prenup experience healthier and more successful.
You can read the interview here, or download it in PDF here.
